Engagement Announcement

I was originally going to write about how K marched right through my fully closed balcony screen door while he was helping me move this weekend, blasting it right off its hinges and covering his face (with which he used to derail the door) in the oldest, nastiest filth in the entire universe. But I'm not going to write about that.

Instead, I've got a very special announcement: Sam "Crack Baby" S and Mary "I'm sorry" W, old friends and former teammates, just got engaged! Booyaah!! By which i mean, "Mazel Tov!"

They are one of those couples for whom an engagement announcement is just a formality, comes as absolutely no surprise whatsoever, and elicits a "no fuckin' doy" from virtually everyone that knows them. That's a testament to how good they are together, how well-matched they've always been, and how obvious it is that this is a Good Thing. And it's about fucking time a well-suited couple got engaged! I'm so sick of offering polite, tight-lipped congratulations to such obviously dysfunctional newlyweds...requiring me to summon every last shred of internal restraint to not bite off their wedding bands and pitch myself into Mount fucking Doom.

Anyway, if Wilfred B were here, I know he'd give his stern, measured approval of Sam and Mary's union -- as he has for millions of very sensible breakfast choices over the years.